My weight has been an issue for as long as I can remember. While I was never an obese kid, I can’t say that I was really ever thin, either. Sure, I was moderately active, but I wasn’t a sports player. I was not athletic. I just was who I was, and for me that was always feeling awkward.
I remember not being able to find a well-fitting communion dress when I was in 2nd grade. I remember crying that I couldn’t find a decent Easter outfit in 5th grade. Again, I was not obese, but the sizing standards didn’t quite work with the body I was given, so it’s no wonder I had a body image complex at an early age.
In high school, I had joined Weight Watchers with my mother and lost a decent amount of weight and, for my height at the time, I was at the lowest weight I would ever see in my adult life (130lbs). I remember feeling confident and amazing. All of my confidence was completely cosmetic-based, however. It was never about health. It was always about how I looked.
Cut to the college years, and it was my second year away that I hit a depression that had me eating my feelings away and the scales tipped 190, the highest weight I had ever been in my life (at least, so I thought, but more on that later in this post). Realizing that I was once again miserable about how I looked, I tried Weight Watchers for the second time in my life and shed 30+lbs rather easily. I got my weight down to 155lbs. I met a guy. I had a great job. I was comfortable in my clothes and my physical appearance. I never exercised, save for the walking I did daily to commute to my job.
A few years and a breakup later, I found myself living in my home state, single, without my kickass city job. But I was okay. I maintained my healthy eating habits, but again, for cosmetic reasons, and I still didn’t exercise. A few months later I would meet my now-husband, and over the course of dating and getting engaged, I would see the scale slowly creep up.
I never let it hit 190, but it sure got close. I kept my weight around 170 during our wedding. I hovered there through buying a house, getting new jobs, and being a newlywed. Life, of course, led me to another challenging time in my life and lo and behold, the scale went above 190. Sure, I was upset about it, but I was also more active at this point in my life, and while the number on the scale wasn’t where I wanted it to be, I did join a local roller derby league as a referee and started to enjoy being active versus obsessing over the scale.
A few years later, I was pregnant with our first child, and while I wasn’t exactly the healthiest person nor at the healthiest weight, I had a healthy pregnancy. I delivered healthy baby boy. And then post partum depression hit, and I found myself at the second highest weight I would ever see in my life: 215lbs.
It wasn’t until my son was about 9 months old that the depression started to fade, and instead of joining yet another weight loss program, I decided to cut out sugar and carbs for good. Within weeks, 21lbs melted off and I started to exercise regularly. I wasn’t as obsessed with the scale, but rather how healthy I wanted to feel and exercise combined with cutting out the bad stuff put me in a fantastic place mentally and physically.
And that is when we found out I was pregnant with our daughter.
I was petrified. Petrified because this was a rather big surprise, but I remember fearing the weight gain, feeling unhealthy, and enduring two kids under the age of two while battling the postpartum hormones. I had a very stressful pregnancy, but I delivered our daughter rather seamlessly. A few weeks after I had her, I suffered yet another bout of postpartum depression, this time it was worse than before. I once again ate my feelings away, and the scale hit what would be the highest weight I would hit in my adult life: 225lbs
(me at my all-time high of 225lbs.)
I was miserable. In fact, miserable doesn’t even encompass what I was feeling. It was physically evident on my face, the way I held myself, that I didn’t even feel like I belonged in my own body. Even though I knew I was capable of getting healthy, and even though I was aware of how to do it, I couldn’t muster the energy to do it. My depression hung onto me, and I physically wore it daily with the weight I had gained.
Thankfully, I knew that therapy was absolutely needed, and so I found someone to work with me to give me the tools I mentally needed to make myself better. Once I was able to get my mental state in check, I knew it was time to focus on my physical self, but it would still be just over 2 years before I even attempted it.
Cut to present day, and I can say I’ve successfully lost 31lbs. How did I do it? Well, first I started with just exercising and cutting out the carbs. That was working well for me, but I still felt I was missing something.
I was out shopping with Allyson and was talking how a friend of mine was a Beachbody Coach and piqued my interest in doing a 21 Day Fix with Shakeology. As luck would have it, Allyson was also starting her 21DF quest, so we sort of banded together and had that common denominator. We rooted for each other and for me, I was kind of liking the program.
While my 31lb journey hasn’t all been about Beachbody, the majority of it has. I managed to get the last 19lbs off with Beachbody products; 21DF, the workout programs, specifically Brazilian Butt Lift, and of course, Shakeology. The difference with Beachbody is that it isn’t about a cosmetic change for me the way it was in the past. This program has allowed me to feel good about myself, sure, but more importantly, feel healthy.
I can honestly say that I am in a better place because I started this quest and I am really happy that Allyson not only became a coach, but convinced me to do the same. I more than kind of like this program, I LOVE it.
This isn’t rocket science. This isn’t starvation. This isn’t just about looking good. This isn’t a fad. This is honestly and truly a way of life. I finally get it now. All those years of trying to achieve a certain look failed because I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. Now? I am doing it to feel good. Sure, I don’t mind that I just happen to be wearing smaller clothes and feel more like myself in my own skin, but because my reasons have grown, so, too has my desire to adopt this as a permanent lifestyle.
Join us on this quest! You won’t be disappointed.
(225lbs then, 31lbs lighter now!)
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